Casual intimacy. Because I know only in theory that I need to give you space. I haven't actually tried it yet. And because you've only been around for a little bit. It feels like you have been here forever, but I should take it slow. (only if you want to, of course) Casual intimacy. It's us being into each other just enough to hang around, but not enough to have to worry about a future together. It was always right person, wrong time with you.
Casual Intimacy. Because I have loved before, and like love, you keep coming and leaving. I just wait for you to arrive again. Sarah Kay had talked about you before we even met for the first time, so I grew to appreciate your presence for when I could have it.
Casual intimacy. Because as much as we love to hang out, you have no fucking clue I am this intense. And at the moment, you hate intense.
Casual intimacy. It's us making up safe-emojis because you are too vanilla to even make up a safeword. You try so hard to make time and be present. When you are around, I have you. All your attention. And I have a lot of it. It's almost uncanny, that you haven't asked for space yet. Whenever I've seen you drifting away and gone and knocked on your door, you've invited me in, like you want my company. It's been so nice.
Casual Intimacy. It's me watching reels on how to deal with our attachment styles so that I know how to respond the correct way with you. It's me teaching you how I tick so you can do the same with me.. (only if you want to, of course)
We are the function of the things that we have experienced, and growing is realizing that there is no academic paper on correct behaviour. We just need to figure it out together.
I gate-keep these reels because if you knew everything, you wouldn't need me. Casual Intimacy. Because you are not only lost at the moment, but your belief in the life you imagined is too. But that does not mean you need to be alone. I'll sit in the dark with you.
Casual intimacy. It's me wanting to keep photos of you for when you are not around. You haven't been not-around yet (this time).. So I don't know what that feels like. But I think I am preparing.
It's me checking if our Spotify Blend match percent went up any time I decide to play some music during the day. I don't need to make a playlist for you because we listen to music together.
It's me playing videos I have seen before when we are watching something together, so I can look at you instead. You're having dinner. You love eating. You eat your chocolate smallest brick by brick, because that way there's more of it. Your nose looks most boopable when you are ugly smiling. You have no clue what I am doing and you look prettiest when you think no one is looking.
Casual intimacy. Because I want to love you, but you don't have room for it anymore. So I'll love you just a little. You tell me to behave when it becomes a lot. But, that's all you do. You don't leave. *Haven't, yet.
Casual intimacy. It's me waiting for you to call after you said you'll call in sometime, multiple times, but knowing it is not going to happen. You only tell people you will talk to them later when you do not want to deal with them at all. Oh, space? Now I don't want to give it to you. I messed up. I got too close. I'm sorry. You can now breathe. I know I can be a bit much.
Casual intimacy. You're too vanilla, but I'll let you put a knife to my throat and tell you where to cut if you need to. Don't worry, I'll apologise if I bleed on you. (Only if you want me to, of course)
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